Dear Mr. President,

Hey W its me Karl. You know that you and I have been friends for years. I helped you secure your throne as the supreme ruler of the united corporations of America but now I think I'm in some pretty deep shit. I just wanted to let you know that I did it all because I've always admired your masculinity. Your broad shoulders and sturdy gait have always made my porky jowels quiver with the anticipation of receiving your oil soaked cock in my mouth. I just want to let you know that now that my career in plutocracy is ruined that I am ready to live my true life as a closeted homosexual, expressing unrequited love for a man that I wish I could have always been if it weren't for my genetic predisposition to being a hippopotamus. I love you W, you had me at howdy, you had me at howdy.

Karl