Thursday, January 05, 2006

Consumer Slop

The Consumer Electronics Show is happening this week in Las Vegas. Being a person that lusts over technological gadgets and gizmos, especially ones that I would never really need, I have read about many of the latest and greatest creations coming to the market. Although I lust over many of the items coming to the market there are those items that elicit a sarcastic guffaw.

Take for example these items:

This may look like an ordinary gas guzzling SUV but its not. If you look closely there is a large antenna on the roof that allows one to have high speed internet just about anywhere via satellite. Now isn't enough that we're engaged in a war over oil so that people can drive their SUVs to the mall? The least they could do in return is give their kids a fucking book to read while they're on vacation so that there is some hope for the species. I cannot imagine how fat and stupid the offspring of those that buy this device are going to be.

Next are these lovelies. The Shure E500 sound isolating earphones priced at a very affordable $499. I have to admit that I myself have a pair of Shure headphones and I did pay more than I think one should for something the size of a nut. However this time I think Shure has taken it too far. Apparently these are the ultimate in exterior sound reduction and are equipped with three speakers inside each bud: two woofers and a tweeter. For $499 they could have made it an option to get your monogram in bling on each of the buds don't ya think? Not only that but the phones have microphones on the exterior so if someone wants to talk to you, push a button, music is switched off and outside noise is piped in. My excuse of not being able to talk to someone because I have my iPod on with earbuds jammed into my ear is worth far more than $499.

Here is the ultimate. The Nethrone. Its a throne for the internet. Lets get real though its a sex terminal. Someone wasted precious mental energy designing this piece of crap. I feel really bad for any ad agency that has to come up with a campaign to promote this item. Look at it! It screams "come masturbate on the internet." I cannot fathom how many of these are going to be found at garage sales years from now. Somehow for me this is analogous to sunken fire pits that can be found in homes built in the 70s.


Blogger Kody said...

Touch him?! Touch him?! I stuck a wad of $$ in his pants! It was great!

One of these days... when I think you're old enough... I'll tell you all about it! ;-)

2:33 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

"I cannot imagine how fat and stupid the offspring of those that buy this device are going to be."

So true, so, so, so, so, so very true...

This got me laughing quite hard. People in the office are looking at me funny. But then again they all drive SUV's, some have Hummer's and complain that gas is high. They suck in their stomachs and puff out their chests and inform me they are scaling down to a Cadillac Escalade instead to save on fuel. Yep. It's starting.

3:13 PM  
Blogger jjd said...

um, can someone buy me that netthrone please? For purely innocent reasons I swear.. it looks like you could bicycle or something while on the internet.. yeah.. thats it.`

3:40 PM  
Blogger DanNation said...

I think the netthrone should be put on top of the SUV with someone in it, and driven way too fast at a low-clearance tunnel - that would be funny (I'm laughing like Beavis and Butthead).

4:46 PM  
Blogger Ed said...

Now, you KNOW the Bush administration is tracking that Ford SUV...... Going to CES would ALMOST be as much fun as MacWorld next week. Lest we forget the Video PORN convention is also going on in Vegas as well. Nothing but geeks, gizmos and boobs.

7:53 PM  
Blogger tim said...

How much is that Netthrone?

8:07 PM  
Blogger Spider said...

Lets be careful what you are slamming here Adam - MY netthrone is right next to my firepit in the middle of my living room... nothing like the feel of warm fire air on your ass when you are wanking to porn on the net - don't knock these things until you have tried them...

8:30 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

The Netthrone looks like Mr Garrison's Ginger Device.

10:13 AM  
Blogger Jim said...

I'd wait for NetThrone v2.0, they're adding a vibrating seat and stirrups :)

3:33 PM  
Blogger Chox said...

But I *like* sunken fire pits in split-level ranch homes built in 1975. That's just HOT.

4:44 PM  

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