Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Back To Work!

I was standing in a dry river bed in the desert with a group of people. The river bed was deep enough so that the ground of desert was just below eye level, around the height of my neck. In the river bed there was a press conference given by an olympian athlete regarding some kind of an affair he had. Someone mentioned cross dressing but I wasn't paying too much attention because I was distracted by the rustling on the ground in the distance. I attempted to fix my attention on the olympian in front of the crowd but kept getting distracted.

I looked over after hearing a disturbance in the brush and saw a small lizard charging at me from the desert kicking up sand and dirt as he drew nearer. I was fascinated by what I was seeing but at the same time knew I had to move so I shifted my position but just enough so that I could still witness the lizard running toward me. It didn't matter. The lizard changed its course and as he got closer I saw that it was a Gila monster, the only poisonous lizard in the world whose venom is quite potent. As he approached the ledge of the riverbed he leapt and attached himself to my neck with his mouth. I felt a small pinch on my neck and then something hot going into my flesh. I threw the lizard off me and onto the ground. I had damaged him enough that he seemed to be writhing somewhere between death and paralysis. I took my pen that I was using to take notes on the press conference that was still happening without interruption, and stabbed the gila monster through the heart.

When I arrived at the hospital there were only residents in the ER. I explained to them that I had been bit in the neck by a gila monster and needed antivenin immediately. After hearing my request the residents erupted into pandemonium. They had no idea how to prepare or administer the antivenin. They opened package after package trying to mix component A with component B and only achieving a pink sludge that looked hardly suitable for injection. In the midst of the pandemonium, in which I was remaining rather calm, I picked up a sheet of instructions on the floor, still folded neatly for packaging. It read:

Cool component A and B on ice for five minutes. Mix both components
on ice until a free flowing liquid forms, about two minutes.

I went up to one of the residents who was covered in sweat trying to mix A and B at room temperature. I told him what the directions said but he turned to me, sweat dripping off his brow, and yelled "You know NOTHING!"

I turned and left the hospital. The pandemonium had spread to other floors and empty boxes with direction sheets were showering down from the windows above me. All the while I was feeling my neck where I was bit. It wasn't tender or sore and I figured that the problem had solved itself.

Somehow I found myself at a baseball game sitting with a group of people who acted as if they were my coworkers. They were happy to see me once I arrived and asked my why I was so late. As soon as I sat down a maitre d' with slick black hair a pencil mustache wearing a white coat and extremely tight black pants approached me and asked me what I wanted to drink. Without me even replying he handed me a glass of white wine that was push away by one of my coworkers who said, "You can't give him a $75 glass of wine! Bring us a pitcher of strawberry shakes and some glasses." Instantly a pitcher of what looked like strawberry daiquiris appeared in the waiter's hand and he poured each one of us a glass. I took a sip of my daiquiri, which was quite delicious and refreshing, sat back and fell asleep from the boredom of watching a baseball game.

Then my alarm went off and I woke up to get ready for work.

Last night as I was trying to get comfortable on our way past its prime twelve year old mattress I drifted off into a half ass state of sleep that resulted in the dream I just described above. I never sleep well the night that precedes my return to work after a weekend or a long holiday.


Blogger jjd said...

interesting dream. it tells me that you possess alot of confidence and conviction. I'm pretty sure of a couple things if I had dreamed that:

1. I wouldn't have bothered with stabbing the gila monster. Like George running from the fire, I'd be knocking over little old ladies trying to get to the hospital.

2. I wouldn't have calmly read the instructions and tried to inform people how to mix the anti-venom, I'd have been hysterical slowly feeling my life ebbing until I willed myself to dream something else for fear of dying in my dream(escape mechanism for me versus logical rational solution for you)

See? We don't share the same brain afterall!

10:25 AM  
Blogger Nathan said...

what a wild dream!

oh back to work, I know. wouldn't it be nice to take a permanent vacation?

11:07 AM  
Blogger Spider said...

After that post, I am really looking forward to 2006 at the Cycle!

12:28 PM  
Anonymous nikki said...

At least the maitre d' had tight black pants on. ;)

12:59 PM  
Blogger woe said...

omf. that is some weird dream. I would have run at the first hint that there was a angry reptile headed my way.

4:37 PM  
Blogger farmboyz said...

I frequently have the exact same dream with one difference: I get bitten by Dick Clark instead of that other type of lizard.

9:22 PM  

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