Saturday, November 19, 2005

Penises, Madonna, and Optical Illusions



Last night at a housewarming party, and later at the bar, the question was raised as to how to gauge the size of a man's genitalia. An Italian suggested that in Rome they make an "L" with their index finger and their thumb and orient it with the index finger up and the thumb out and vice versa; suggesting that a tall man is shorter in other areas than the shorter, thumb-height man. Given that we all know that big feet mean big feet what is everyone else's rule of "thumb?"

I myself prefer the direct method of simply observing a man's package in various situations. For example, how does it look while he is standing, is there dimensionality to it, when he walks do you notice any manifestation of form, how does it look while he is sitting? This method must be used with caution given the various styles of underwear that are available now that are quite adept at making mountains out of mole hills.


In other events the new Madonna album, "Confessions On A Dance Floor" is suprisingly good. I took a calculated risk late on Thursday night and purchased the deluxe edition on iTunes. I was worried given M's previous album and her attempt to flex some intellectual muscle peppered with a hip hop rap. Confessions is M going back to what she does best, pop. Each one of the songs has a great disco beat and the single, "Hung Up," boasts samplings from Abba's "Gimme Gimme Gimme!" The fusion of the cultural icons is well done and they mix perfectly. I think my favorite song is "Jump" with its opening line spoken in a sultry, jaded tone "There's only so much you can learn in one place. The more that I wait, the more time that I waste." I certainly recommend this album for Madonna fans and for those that aren't as die-hard it's a good pop/disco album worth having.

I love these kinds of optical illusions:





These are not animated images. The motion that you see is a result of how your brain is processing the different parts of the image. It is fascinating because it demonstrates that what we perceive and what actually is are not always the same. You see motion but in reality there is none, the motion only exists in your brain. This can apply to other things in the physical world, you see color but color is a result of our perception of certain wavelengths of light. Red is only red because we detect it as such not because the property of redness exists.

In summary: Penises are a lot like Madonna and her career, sometimes the package is prettier than the contents, however synergy between the two can occur but there is no real way to tell what you're going to get because both are adept at optical illusion.

10 Comments:

Blogger Brian said...

Yes, those penises are sure tricky. The only way to be sure what's really there is to firmly grab it in your hand and apply various kinds of pressure and strokes. Taste tests are also useful.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Spider said...

I agree with Brian 100% - the only REAL way to check out the goods is a good firm, but not hard, squeeze and then some finger manipulation. It can be 9" but it is useless if it just sits there... and if it fails the taste test, send it on its waY!

7:27 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Removing all the clothing from the subject then applying the Brian method is really the best way to gather the penis data mentioned. However, the data mentioned does not necessarily reveal if the penis has experience or technique :)

8:16 PM  
Blogger jjd said...

Those pictures make me slightly queasy, but I like the analogy!

penis test: stick in mouth, if it grows with saliva, good.. if not, oops!

9:08 PM  
Blogger CLL Canuck said...

Yes, Confessions is surprisingly good, but that New York song? OMG awful

Worst lyric ever: I love New York / other cities make me feel like a dork.

Did Lourdes help her with that?

Greetings from Philly. Consider this your postcard.

10:23 PM  
Anonymous Nikki said...

If the aforementioned is truly a portion of the lyrics from the New York song, I'm going to refrain from purchasing the CD just yet. :) That is rough.

11:49 PM  
Blogger tornwordo said...

Well, it also depends if the penis is a "shower" or a "grower". Flaccidity is a bad gauge.

I also bought the disc and have enjoyed it. I never listen to the words though. Which is why I listen to a lot of foreign music.

Dig the images and the way you tied up the topics at the end.

5:41 AM  
Blogger tim said...

I love that I Love New York song.

11:36 AM  
Blogger . said...

True...you can nver tell about a penis and usually what you see in the jeans is an optical illusion of what is really there unclothed!

1:42 PM  
Blogger GayProf said...

you see color but color is a result of our perception of certain wavelengths of light. Red is only red because we detect it as such not because the property of redness exists.

I am color blind to shades of red, so I don't even get to see the existential red.

8:24 PM  

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