Saturday, July 23, 2005

The Enigmatic Turk

There is a summer student in my lab. I guess you could call him an intern. He's from Turkey and he is an Enigma.

When I had learned that there was going to be a summer student from Turkey I was slightly excited. So far the Turks that I have met have been misogynist smoldering bags of testosterone. In other words, hot. This Turk couldnt be further from that description.

He is tall with a bit of a pot belly and the biggest girly man I have ever met. He puts some of Americas queeniest fags to shame. The little chinese woman that works in the lab commented as soon as she met him in her chinese accent, "He is a girl, he is not a man. He is a girl." His voice is lispy and instead of a deep sexy Turkish accent it is German. Imagine if you will Dieter from Sprokets on SNL. His primary obsessions are Chanel and Britney Spears and he labels everything that he uses in the lab with the Chanel logo (the forwads and backwards C). On top of all of this he reeks of Chanel purfume. After giving him a ride home one day after work my car smelled of a republican trophy wife.

I was fortunate enough to witness a talent of his as he began reciting the 2000 awards with alacrity and a perfect American accent. "I have all the shows from the past four years taped. I like to watch them every night and I have them memorized," he explained to me.

For all his girliness and attention to his person he still seems to have not been educated on body odor management. This is what actually prompted me to write about him. One day I was helping him with something and I was unfortunate enough to experience an unexplicable odor coming from his body. The only way I can describe it is sweaty body odor with stale Chanel perfume. I dont know why a strong odor prompted me to share this young man's existence but it did.

Although he is annoying and childish at times I cannot help but be fascinated by his existence. The little chinese woman told him one day, "You know you are like a girl." He replied to her, "I know I am. But you see my parents only had one child so I must be both a girl and a boy for them so they dont feel unfulfilled." This is the kind of fanciful explanations that one must come up with when they are raised in cultures that have not yet reconciled homosexuality as real. Alas he will be, in my mind at least, one I will never forget. My enigmatic Turk.


Blogger Mizez Slocombe said...

Adorable storytelling.

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow What a homo. My nick-name is "EnigMatic_Turk" and he... I mean she has discraced it.

Theres Turk, theres Metro Turk, and then there's that guy. You're deffinately right about the last bit, if my son turned homo I would probably stab him, like many other fathers.

5:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow... what a fag. My nick-name is "EnigMatic_Turk" and he has discraced it.

There's being a Turk, then being a Metro Turk, and then theres that guy, takes it to a whole new level.

Your last bit was right, we don't seem to think homosexuality is a real thing. Like many other Turkish fathers, if my son was to be a queer, I would probably bash his teeth out.

5:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why the hell did I have to write it a second time >_<. I'm a fool.


5:19 AM  

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